"...That isn't for me to decide." He hadn't thought about it, but to be entirely honest, he would have to say no. But that's rude, and there's so much that is good about Paloma. Maybe she can be forgiven it, due to the situation with her 'husband'. She may not be in the right state of mind because of it...and that would make it even worse for him to take advantage of that!
"I am not good," she declares, solving that question neatly. "You cannot make me impure when my soul already is in rot."
The idea that his impurities should disqualify their knowing one another makes her simultaneously incredulous and-- again-- conflicted. But if she's anything, she is stubborn.
But it isn't just for her that he thinks she should avoid him. Well no that's the reason she should, but the reason he wants her to is for himself. "No. But I do not know how I shall be able to live with this evidence against me - your having seen me."
Agitated, Paloma roots around for the words failing her. One of her hands waves animatedly during this dilemma. ESL ain't easy, bud. "Yes. I saw you. And so you are not alone."
"...I have always attempted to simply pretend that part of myself does not exist." Therefore he doesn't even want to talk about this now. "So you see the trouble."
She really doesn't understand what it is that upsets him about this, he thinks. But she's trying to be kind and understanding, clearly, and certainly is, or would be if he wasn't so fundamentally duplicitous. And there isn't really anything to say. To fill the silence and stillness, and without thinking through his actions, he gets up, kisses her, however briefly, and goes to the door.
Likely she doesn't and cannot until the two of them reach a basic foundation of truths. Does the fear of what his truth is eat at him as it does Paloma? Is she only an excuse for self-flagellation? Are these both true? Is ...
Oh.
Paloma finds that making anything coherent out of the emotional jumble is a fool's quest. Very, very lost and confused, she tilts slowly back until her head's at rest. By the time the cab gets moving she's got her gloves off again, touching her lip like the silly young woman she couldn't think had survived.
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moritat2015-08-17 04:59 pm
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The idea that his impurities should disqualify their knowing one another makes her simultaneously incredulous and-- again-- conflicted. But if she's anything, she is stubborn.
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Agitated, Paloma roots around for the words failing her. One of her hands waves animatedly during this dilemma. ESL ain't easy, bud. "Yes. I saw you. And so you are not alone."
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Just as the hope she denied of him has been a ghost to her.
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Oh.
Paloma finds that making anything coherent out of the emotional jumble is a fool's quest. Very, very lost and confused, she tilts slowly back until her head's at rest. By the time the cab gets moving she's got her gloves off again, touching her lip like the silly young woman she couldn't think had survived.